I was looking for an exhibition to go to with my daughter who lives abroad and was in London for the weekend. After reading a couple of reviews, I decided on ‘Do Ho Suh: Walk the House’ at Tate Modern.
The exhibition was very busy as it was the last weekend of the show after the end date was extended. As we walked between the monumental exhibits whilst navigating the crowd, I could hear frequent bleeping sounds. It was the threshold-wire sensors protecting the displays being triggered by keen viewers leaning too closely to examine the details.
A video playing on a small screen captured the artist working meticulously. A young couple standing next to me gave a running commentary in Cantonese about the intricate process and delicate materials used. It made me nostalgic because the artist’s hands reminded me of my brother’s when he worked on his wood board carving; they both use their slender but strong fingers with the same intensity. I was mesmerised by my own nostalgia.
A thin curtain separated a large area where a film was projected onto an entire wall. Two labels on the wall at the entrance to the area described the locations of the film. We couldn’t read the detailed descriptions as more people were pushing to come in. We gleamed the headlines and started watching. My daughter turned to me and said, ‘I’ve lived in places like that.’ I replied, ‘So have I.’ ‘Yeah, pretty universal,’ she muttered. I was not sure if she meant the experience or the place. Perhaps both.
We were drawn to a darker corner with intrigue. Looking through a gap between semi-transparent panels, I met eyes with another visitor. There was a momentary connection then we both looked away. My daughter called me over and said, ‘Look, Mum, there is a miniature toilet.’ We both laughed and took pictures of the toilet.
We returned to the exhibits in the main area. I felt my phone vibrate. It was my daughter posting a photo on the family chat of me staring intently at a display with the caption ‘When art meets electrical engineering. Rapt.’ We played who could name the country of origin of the pieces on display judging by the shape of the electric sockets. It then occurred to me that I moved away from home to another country when I was young and she has moved away from her home country, too. We now have that shared experience. I wonder where she calls home now.
Wading through a crowd watching another large film projection, some standing and some sitting on the floor, we reached the gift shop. The final few fridge magnets were half price. It’s the last weekend after all.
I have been planning how to continue to develop my art practice after I finish my MA. The key for me is to ensure I work in a way that maintains my interests with variety and balance to keep up the momentum so that it is sustainable in the long term.
As a starting point, I have created a MindMap where I have captured my aims as well as resources that are available to me. I have tried to create a balanced plan covering the following areas with a structure that I hope will help to establish a rhyme after my MA:
– Personal / Self-development: Attend in person classes, e.g. continuing my monthly Chinese painting lessons, as well as online learning. I have identified around one year’s content (with 3 to 4 hours per week starting with cultural theories) on Future Learn that I have just subscribed to and I plan to attend those online modules every Thursday afternoon in place of the MA weekly classes to keep up a learning rhythm.
– Reflective practice: A key part of my self-development has been my reflective practice. The structure that I have built into my blogs has been invaluable in helping me to develop my practice. It offers a safety framework that I can return to especially when I feel a bit lost or uncertain. Writing the reflective blogs has put me back on track time and again when I have been stuck. So I plan to continue with the blogs because they help me immensely and I have set myself a goal in the frequency of blogging.
– Professional development: I plan to engage with an art mentor having a session once every two months. I have been recommended a mentor used by several Spike Island Associates and I have connected with him. It’s my way of holding myself accountable and forms part of the rhythm.
– Profile exposure: I need goals to work towards in order to maintain my momentum and I have set myself targets such as attending one artist-residency per year – this could be self-funded if I do not get accepted onto a competitive one as I don’t want to give myself an excuse to not do it. I feel the act of attending a residency, making art away from my environment, would open my mind and expand my horizons. In addition, I want to show my work as a way to keep my thinking and my work ‘current’. I will look out for Open Calls that are aligned with my work and if that doesn’t work out then I would create my own ‘show’. That could be in whatever capacity, even just displaying my work in a park in my neighbourhood – the purpose is to have an event of some kind for me to make work for and aim towards.
– Community connections: Although I enjoy my own company and can happily make work in my studio without seeing anyone. I appreciate that being connected with other artists is important for my development and well being. Hearing others talk about their work always gives me inspiration. Talking about my work to others is also a healthy thing to do. I am fortunate to live in Bristol where there are many artist communities that I have always found to be friendly and supportive. So I will definitely continue to connect with them regularly (e.g. attend events with Spike Island Associates).
Below is my first draft MindMap plan showing my plans and aims for each element. Items within the map are there to feed into my art-making; to give me inspiration, to deepen my knowledge and to help me think.
The plan is work-in-progress and I will continue to build on it over time. I may not even fully follow it, but having a plan in place is important for me to have a starting point, so that I am not faced with a blank calendar and feeling lost the day after graduation!
I will follow the plan for as long as I enjoy it; if I stop enjoying it then I will revise it. I hope as I travel on this journey, other things will come up and the plan will evolve as my needs change. I will be very sad when my MA course ends but I am very excited to continue the journey with all the new skills, knowledge and friends that I have gained on the programme.
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REFLECTIONS
A few things that were said to me recently have got me thinking about my MA…
A very good artist friend said that she noticed I have been talking about ‘my practice’ and about ‘being an artist’. I remember when I first joined the MA course, I would only describe myself as ‘an art student’. When asked if I were an artist, I would reply, ‘not really, I am just an art student’. Then sometime during the last two years and I don’t remember exactly when, I have started to talk about being an artist. I had not noticed it until my friend pointed it out to me and I am pleased to say that I feel comfortable about referring to myself as an artist now when I was certainly very hesitant two years ago. I believe it’s the MA course that has given me the confidence and encouragement to do so.
Another comment came from a photography tutor. I have attended a few one-off photography workshops locally and have got to know the tutor well. Earlier this year, she asked what I was planning to do after my MA and at the time I said I wasn’t sure – it was before I created the above MindMap and I was considering doing another taught MA. She said, ‘I am sure you are going to do something because you can’t waste an MA from Central Saint Martins.’ That really made me reflect on what an opportunity and a privilege it has been to do this course (in fact, to do further education of any kind). I do not have ambition to be a famous artist or to have gallery representation, that was not what I came here for. I came here to develop myself and to learn. I have thoroughly enjoyed the course and I am loving making art. So I am just going to keep on making and be true to myself in my art – as David Bowie said, ‘don’t make art to please other people’. I hope that is enough to not ‘waste’ this excellent learning opportunity that I have had the privilege to enjoy.
LEARNING
In addition to making art, I will continue to explore how I can use ‘my voice as an artist’ and I hope the MindMap plan will help me with this. I have always wanted to broaden my practice to examine societal issues so I plan to build on my ‘News’ art – my ambition is to make large scale industrial-style ‘News’ art installations. I am excited to see where all these will take me.
NEXT STEPS
– Follow the MindMap plan after graduation – revise it if needed. But always have a plan to maintain the rhythm.
– Explore how I can use ‘my voice as an artist’.
– Continue to make ‘News’ art – scale up.
– Keep on making art, be true to myself and keep on enjoying it!
One of the key learning from my MA is to think carefully about our choice of materials and the content of our work. Especially if it is to be exhibited in public. We need to be sensitive to the audience and have reasons for the choices that we have made in our making. When I first started thinking about making work on newspapers, an important decision was which newspaper or newspapers to use. I have become very disillusioned with the news media in recent years so it was hard to choose. I have had a long relationship with The Financial Times (FT) because I always felt it was more balanced and factual than most media channels – it’s one of a few newspapers that I could bear to buy or read. I used to use The FT a lot for work when compiling economic reports about the UK for international meetings. I was happy to stand by its facts and figures as they were considered credible. I am increasingly tired of unsubstantiated claims by news media as well as those in public life, hence I crave a news channel that I feel I can trust. I wanted a non-controversial newspaper as I don’t want the choice of newspaper to dominate the conversation rather than the art.
Also, the salmon colour of the paper works very well with the Chinese black ink. I believe aesthetically it works better than the usual white newsprint paper. Hence I started to paint on The FT.
Now that the ‘News’ body of work is growing and I am committed to using The FT so much so that I have purchased a print-subscription, I feel I should do some more background research to ensure I have chosen the correct newspaper.
METHOD
I have become very aware that I should have a reason to choose certain materials in my making. Since the choice of newspaper is such a key part of this body of work, I feel I should retrospectively verify that my instinctive choice of The FT was correct.
I should start by considering what I would want from the newspaper in this body of art work:
– Trusted: My aim is to express my grief for the lost world order in recent months and to share the grief of those close to me whose lives have been deeply affected. I do not intend to be overtly political – my art is not a political campaign in an activism-way. I want to look for news headlines that are to do with this topic and bring attention to them but I will leave the viewers to decide for themselves how they feel about it. To do this, I need news headlines and articles that I can trust to be as factual as possible as I just want to present facts and figures. I am not planning to influence the viewers’ judgement. That means quality journalism with substantiated facts. I cannot fact-check every article, so I need a journal that I can trust in general. I don’t want to be anyone else’s mouthpiece.
– Uncontroversial / unbiased: I am despaired by the political polarisation that exists in our society and I do not want to contribute to that as it is not the aim of this body of work. Therefore, I want to choose a newspaper that is not too controversial, perhaps as politically-central and unbiased as possible accepting that it is not possible to be 100% unbiased when a newspaper has contributions from many people. The aim of the art work is to share what has caused my grief. If the newspaper has to have a leaning then a liberal leaning would be preferred especially regarding the topics in question.
To start my research, I did several Google searches – for the most trusted and unbiased news media channel in the UK. Below are screen captures of some of my findings.
There are additional supplementary reports on The FT that largely reflect this finding and they are shown at the end of the blog.
From this quick online research, the findings showed that The FT was found to be the most trusted and unbiased UK newspaper relative to other newspapers (relative position as derived from the YouGov poll) with a central position politically.
REFLECTIONS
This research was done as a sense-check to ensure I have chosen the correct newspaper for the purpose of my art work – I believe I have because The FT findings showed that it addresses my requirements for a newspaper for this body of work.
However, as one of the reports said ‘central does not mean it is good’ and I feel that is an important point. It is not my intention to make this body of work overtly political, hence requiring a centrally positioned newspaper with a balanced view. One could argue that could contemporary art be truly central? I think my position on that point is that I am not ready to pick a political fight with the world – yet. I want to find my way into this part of the art world in a way that I feel I can manage especially given a lot of my ‘News’ art has been about my emotions and grieving – I need to process and make sense of that first. I am not ready for political debates. Hence remaining central is a stance that I want to adopt – for now. The most important thing is the trustworthiness and unbiased reporting of the newspaper which I believe I have with The FT.
Also, it is salmon colour. So I am relieved with my findings and satisfied with my choice. I will continue to use The FT whilst continuing to monitor its credibility.
LEARNING
I am glad I carried out the research. I believe that if I am going to show my art in a public place (Degree Show), I need to be doubly careful about the content and my reasons for choosing the materials. So this research has partly been to prepare me for the Show as I anticipate someone would ask me ‘Why The FT?’.
The main learning here is that researching all aspects of the materials used is essential. Especially when the subject matter could be sensitive, political or emotionally-triggering in any way. If I want to take my art practice onto addressing societal issues as I do, then I need to be more careful, considered, informed and mindful in these respects. I don’t want to rush into something that I am not ready to handle or my credibility as an artist could be called into question. Hence research and preparation is important. This is a key learning for me.
NEXT STEPS
– Continue to use The FT for my News art.
– Carefully consider all aspects of the materials I choose for my work and be thorough especially with exhibited work.
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ADDITIONAL RESEARCH RESULTS
Below are additional reports found online on The FT.
On 3rd October 2023, I wrote my first blog for my MA Fine Art (Digital) course. It was about my intention to structure my blogs in a way that would help me to create a sustainable reflective practice.
In the blog, I talked about my intention to base my blogs on Kolb’s learning cycle and as a result, I have created the following 4-stage structure and I have been using it for all my blogs throughout my MA course:
1. METHOD (Experiencing stage)
– To capture my making process and decisions along the way.
2. REFLECTIONS (Reflecting stage)
– To capture all my thoughts, feelings, reflections and personal insights throughout as well as after the making process. The aim is to think as broadly and be as uninhibited as possible to ‘open up the horizons’ and/or to ‘dig deep’.
3. LEARNING (Thinking stage)
– To bring my reflections back to the context of my art practice – what have I learnt and what does it all mean for my practice? Also to capture any emerging intentions if appropriate.
4. NEXT STEPS (Acting stage)
– To summarise ‘what to do next’ in clear actions to give direction to progress my practice.
Below is my reflective process in a diagram.
My reflective process
It will be referred to as The ‘MeReLeNe’ process for short from here on.
REFLECTIONS
Writing my blogs in this ‘MeReLeNe’ structure during my two year MA programme has helped me to cement a structured approach and develop my reflective practice. I have been an engineer all my life before coming to the arts and I need an underlying structure in order to liberate me to explore freely and safely, knowing that if I ever felt lost or ‘wobbly’ then I could come back to a tried and tested structure that would give me security and guidance. Since this is a structure that I have developed for myself and tested over a two year period, I feel that I can trust and rely on my process to progress my practice making it sustainable as I feel very committed to it. I have come to realise that it is much more than a safety structure… At times during the last two years, I have felt unsure about what direction to take or felt lost about what to make. Then inevitably I would realise that I have not written my blog for my last piece of work yet, hence I felt lost. Without exception, once I reflected properly in my blog and captured my learning in the context of my art practice, the next-steps would then reveal themselves naturally in the process. Sometimes the next-steps could be simply to ‘make some more’ and that simple statement may seem generic, but I would know where to take it as a result of going through the reflective process.
I am excited about having tested and embedded this structure into my practice. It is now such a fundamental part of my practice that I cannot image working without it because I would soon become lost.
Furthermore, in the last two years, at times I have felt unsure of what my ‘process’ was, was it painting with oil, oil and cold wax, making Cheongsam canvases or painting on newspapers? I found it hard to explain to people when asked about my practice, especially for anyone not familiar with contemporary art. People would ask if I painted landscapes or portraits; watercolour or oil. It’s impossible to give a straight answer when my medium and methods would vary depending on what I was trying to say. It might vary from project to project, but writing this blog has brought clarity to what my art practice is about:
‘My contemporary art practice is about exploring my identity and my environment through narratives. I use whatever medium that is appropriate to help me express what I want to say. My reflective practice is my process.’
LEARNING
I have learnt that I definitely need a structure to thrive in my practice. It provides a safe environment for me to wander and explore freely knowing I can ‘come home’ to this process to consolidate my learning and progress.
The key revelation for me is having the clarity that ‘My reflective practice is my process’. I believe my tutor has allured to this several times recently and I now know what he means.
NEXT STEPS
Continue to use and embed the ‘Method-Reflections-Learning-NextSteps’ (or MeReLeNe) process for my reflective practice.
Start to acknowledge that my reflective practice is my process. Own it.
During my recent tutorial, we discussed how the world events are affecting how I felt about my art practice. The change in world order made me not want to do bright and colourful paintings like my recent Family Dinner paintings as they now seemed frivolous with the destructions going on. I also talked about my sense of helplessness as an artist. Therefore, I am in the stage of reconsidering my practice – what do I want it to be about? I have always positioned my art practice as about identity exploration, starting with my personal identity and I started (chronologically) from my childhood in Hong Kong (e.g. the Cheongsam and Family Dinners etc.).
REFLECTIONS
– The feeling of ‘Voicelessness’ as an artist – see separate blog. I think I have worked through that one for now. Briefly – I believe my choice of being an artist (vs my previous position as a business leader within a commercial organisation) gives me much more freedom but with an unknown and unpredictable audience as there is no defined platform for communication. So having reflected on that, I do really value the freedom of voice that I have now. I just need to work out what to do with it.
– How to deal with the current feelings of despair for the change in world order? I can’t ignore it but I don’t want to directly confront it in my art practice because I would risk ranting and being too in-your-face rather than communicating and expressing sensitively and intelligently.
– So I thought about satire and actually went through the process of creating character metaphors that I would use ( one is a turkey eating French fries and the other a loaf of cheap white bread) but I decided against satire because it would require me to closely study those characters which I don’t want to do as I need to preserve my sanity.
After much thinking and reflecting, I decided to focus on how I feel instead which is anger, heartbreak and grief. Grief for the loss of a world order with values that I understood. It was not perfect at all but there was at least an established sense of right and wrong (usually according to the law); where helping the needed was applauded. I grieve for the loss of all that and more. I grieve for all the vulnerable people who will suffer even more or lose their lives and I grieve for those who have made it their mission to help but are now suddenly left helpless and scrambling for themselves. I am not against change and efficiently, but the destructive way of execution has been brutal – unnecessarily.
I am likening my feelings and others that I know who are going through the ‘world order change process’ as going through the Kubler-Ross grief cycle.
I find myself oscillating around Anger, Bargaining and Depression depending on what new (and shocking) information comes to light on a particular day. But unlike grieving for the loss of a loved one, I feel it’s not acceptable to reach acceptance which is a problem because I am therefore stuck in the perpetual grief cycle until ‘the show is over’.
So I decided to use my art practice to express the grief that I am feeling. I know (and hope) that it is just a temporary state because I believe I am a naturally optimistic person and I want to return to feeling hopeful about the future of humankind.
I remember the book ‘Grief is the thing with feathers’ by Max Porter where a father and two young boys grieved for the death of their lost wife/mother. Grief was portrayed as a crow. The short novel was written creatively in a way that helped me to picture the crow vividly. Inspired by the novel, I want to do something with crows and feathers in my art practice to express the grief I’m feeling right now for the world.
Other reasons for choosing crows:
– They are intelligent (compared to other bird species and mammals) but ‘voiceless’ as they can only caw (according to the human ears). I feel that is a good metaphor for how I feel as a ‘voiceless’ artist and perhaps how many artists feel in the world right now.
– Crow feathers are interesting in colour and texture. I want to explore further in my art making.
– I have always been fascinated by crows and they were once the subject of a personal project in my Chinese painting practice. So somehow I feel a connection with them.
LEARNING
So what does it all mean for my art practice?
It would be useful to think about ‘the fluid circle’ that was discussed during my tutorial – I go in and out of a fluid circle depending on how able I feel in responding to the world events.
– Inside the circle is retreat mode – coming inside the circle to hide from the world and have time-out. When I’m in that mode, I want to work on things that are simpler or more familiar for comfort. I can do drawings which I find comforting, or explore photography and the new objectivity approach to give relief through working with facts and an established process; letting the process take control momentarily.
– Outside the circle is confront mode – where reality is faced and dealt with. It could be energising but likely to be draining. The most useful and manageable thing to work on there right now is dealing with that feeling of grief and work out how to channel that into my work. Therefore I have been thinking about doing art with crows and feathers.
Is this a deviation from my main practice? I have been thinking about this a lot. If my practice is about identity, then I believe reflecting on one’s state of mind is a key part of that identity exploration. So having done much thinking about this, I feel comfortable that what I am doing here remains part of my soul searching – just instead of exploring the past (my heritage), I am exploring the ‘right here’ and ‘right now’ for me.
What about the Cheongsam dresses? I have had such positive feedback from my MA course mates during the low residency week that I feel I should do some more with the dresses especially for the degree show. Perhaps make a dress with crow feathers? Many Cheongsam dresses are decorated with dragons and phoenix, so perhaps a crow instead?
NEXT STEPS
– Just make art depending on how I feel in the moment. Do something with crows and feathers to release and express the grief as well as create time to think about the future.
– Keep thinking about what else I can do with feathers, perhaps Cheongsam dresses and possible installations.
– Give space and time for the thinking.
ADDITIONAL NOTES – CONSIDERATIONS FOR MY STUDY STATEMENT
Since I am rethinking my practice, I revisited my Study Statement to see how my new exploration proposed here would impact my planned study. I feel that my Methodology and the Outcomes would remain unchanged. My aims and objectives were strongly focused on transculturalism and the work proposed here (exploring my currently feeling of grief and loss of world order) would not fall into that topic. However, within my Study Statement, my main goal was to explore my identity and I believe exploring my current state of mind falls well within that – it is all part of me and my lived experience. In my Statement, I also referred to wanting to expand my practice to explore wider societal issues including feminism and power structures – I believe my response to the current global political situations falls within this remit. To incorporate the new exploration into my study, I should consider adding some new ‘aims and objectives’ to ensure I remain on track with my study goals.
After reflecting on the overall work plan, I believe it remains valid and on track. One of the key aims of my study was to find convergence in my practice with the parallel development of my narrative and style that I started the course with. I believe I have achieved that (or at least have found a way to achieve it) in my Cheongsam series of work and I had written in my blog at the time stating that I was delighted to have found a way to converge the two strands through the Cheongsam dress canvases. Therefore I believe there is room in Unit 3 to accommodate an additional set of aims and objectives that have now become pressing for me.
NEXT STEPS
Consider additional aims and objectives for the newly proposed exploration.
COMPLETED ADDITIONAL OBJECTIVES
The following two pages have been added to my Study Statement:
After the first experiment on weaving narratives (see link below), I decided to do a second experiment, this time with two paintings that were more representative of the different cultural narratives that I want to weave together and also very different style of work just to see what happens. Also, an action from the last experiment was to choose smaller paintings to speed up the experiment.
Plum blossoms, Chinese brush painting – ink on rice paper, cut to size A3.
Paper edges were added to both paintings so that the cuts could be made up to the edge of the image whilst keeping all the strips together at one end in a neat order. This makes the weaving process easier.
Video of cutting the acrylic painting which seemed to have attracted more views on my social media than other work. Also, four times more non-followers seemed to have engaged with this clip than usual.
I enjoyed the cutting process very much. It felt brutal but energising, liberating and renewing. The weaving process was enjoyable for me as it involved crafting with my hands. The delicate manoeuvring of strips of my painting during the weaving felt very different to the cutting process. It was strange to feel that I had to be very careful during the weaving when I have just taken a big pair of scissors to the work minutes earlier. The juxtaposition of the different feelings was interesting.
I am not too excited about the outcome though. I don’t think the woven painting created the interesting or intriguing effect that I had hoped for. The negative space from the Chinese painting introduced a lot of white into the image and obscured much of the harbour-scape rendering it not recognisable but without introducing intrigue.
Reflecting on this and the previous woven painting experiment, I am not sure if I want to pursue the weaving part much further. To really make something of it, I would need to have a good think about how the two images need to come together, how the negative spaces and colour palettes would combine to create a coherent image – even if it’s not coherent aesthetically, it needs to create intrigue or tension. As it is, I feel the images don’t provide enough to engage me, let alone a viewer. However, I feel there is good potential with the cutting process. It was an exciting process that I would like to explore further.
After cutting the paintings into strips, I played with waving or jangling the strips and they danced on the table. That was fun and I liked the images from the movements. However, once they were woven together, the images became ‘flat’ and ‘too neat’. Perhaps I can explore the dancing of the strips and do something with either just one painting or multiple paintings and then let the strips just fall down together and see what happens. Perhaps I can make videos of them dancing and collapsing together. As a metaphor, from my experience as a transcultural person, bringing together two different cultures is rarely neat and tidy, it requires improvisation and often people and situations are just ‘thrown together’ and one never knows what might happen. So perhaps the neat weaving was not such an appropriate metaphor as it seems too restrictive in hindsight.
LEARNING
It has been a good learning experience to weave together paintings. I learnt that I enjoyed the cutting up process, I enjoyed the weaving process but I am not taken by the outcome. The outcome appeared too neat and restrictive for the subject. Therefore, I don’t think I will do anymore ‘neat’ weaving of cut up paintings. Unless I am stuck for something to do in between projects and want to keep busy because it is a good way of keeping busy to enable some thinking time while making. I find the crafting processes are very enabling in a way to create thinking space and time.
What I will continue to explore is the cutting up process because I find that energising and renewing. I want to explore what else I could do with strips of painting, just play and explore and let them dance. I could do some video of their movements and create images from that. E.g. I can pile several paintings together and see how they fall together, or let each strip free-fall individually from height and film their movements in slow motion. It would be good to just to explore without any prior agenda. That can be liberating. I can try a filming project with an already cut up painting (to save cutting up another painting for the moment), I can un-weave one of the woven paintings then letting the strips free-fall, like untangling narratives and then setting them free. I can think about a narration to accompany the video or pair with music.
Think about using the green satin bamboo painting because the soft and light materials could float nicely onto the ground. Think about what background – white cube or outdoors? Perhaps an industrial background from the old Bristol docks? The delicate satin materials could be a good juxtaposition with the old heavy duty cranes by the harbour. The strips could fall inside the intricate metal structure of the cranes.
NEXT STEPS
Pause the ‘neat’ weaving of paintings for now, unless I want to use the process to enable thinking time.
Untangle a woven painting, set the strips (narratives) free in a free-falling way. Film their falling and piling up on the ground, if possible, do outdoors e.g. by the old Bristol dock.
Continue to explore cutting of paintings and see what that could add to my practice.
elizarawlings 